Illegal Drugs, Prostitution, and Defecating in Public Are Only a Few of the Fun Things You Can Now Legally Do in Baltimore


    If you’re prone to enjoying the illegal side of life you may want to consider relocating to Baltimore. City officials have reversed their “tough on crime” stance in favor of rationalizing with criminals in efforts to permanently change their behavior. They believe that too many minorities are being tossed in the pokey instead of receiving the help they need to propel them to the success levels they are capable of achieving, and criminal records hold people back.

    Considering how many of Baltimore’s ‘finer’ residents have rap sheets longer than a giraffe’s neck, locking them up isn’t rehabilitating anyone. So, the cities liberal lawmakers are going to try a more personable approach by encouraging its tattoed faced lower-level humanoid population to do better. They’ll listen. They’re reasonable people.

    “Today, America’s war on drug users is over in the city of Baltimore. We leave behind the era of tough-on-crime prosecution and zero-tolerance policing and no longer default to the status quo to criminalize mostly people of color for addiction,” announced Baltimore City State’s Attorney Marilyn Mosby.

    Baltimore had already loosened up on certain crimes to avoid the spread of COVID-19 among prisoners, which made sense, but it was also a clever ploy for transitioning straight into the cashing of their cancel-culture check.

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    Without fear of getting caught with their skirts hiked up, hookers can now bounce shock absorbers wherever and whenever they choose. They won’t be prosecuted. Neither will their hard-breathing johns. They’ll simply be told to reel it in and go home to their wives. In Nevada where prostitution is strictly monitored, frequent transmittable crud testing is required for those in the trade. But no sir, not in Baltimore. Spread it if ya got it!

    But the coolest part of all is that if the law was the only thing holding someone back from filling their veins with meth or heroin, they just received the green light to tweak to their heart’s content, at least until it stops beating anyway. They no longer have to fear prosecution, nor does their dealer if they’re just some punk two-bit pusher who hangs around schoolyards.

    Here is the complete list of what the residents of Baltimore are now free to do at will. Mosby’s office will allow the following offenses to slide. Drug and drug paraphernalia possession, of which no amount or type was specified. Prostitution, trespassing, minor traffic offenses, you want to do 80 in a 50, do it, open container violations, and, get this one…urinating and defecating in public. That’ll come in handy at crowded sports events.

    “When the courts open next month, I want my prosecutors working with the police and focused on violent offenses, like armed robbery, carjacking cases, and drug distribution organizations that are the underbelly of the violence in Baltimore, not using valuable jury trial time on those that suffer from addiction,” said Mosby.

    Republican state Sen. Robert Cassilly is rightfully skeptical of the move which was supported by Baltimore Mayor Brandon Scott and Police Commissioner Michael Harrison.

    “Prosecutors take an oath to uphold the constitution in the state of Maryland and the constitution says the general assembly sets the policy, not the prosecutors. I respect the whole prosecutorial discretion. That’s not prosecutorial discretion, that’s an exercise in legislating. That’s what the legislature is supposed to do,” Cassily said.

    The state’s attorney’s office and the Baltimore Police Department are working with Baltimore Crisis Response Inc. BCRI is a non-profit crisis center that deals specifically with mental health and substance abuse issues. A recent press release said, “Rather than arrest and prosecution, BCRI will connect individuals with services in areas such as mental health, housing, and substance use.” You can lead a horse to water…

    There was no mention of where they’ll refer their habitual sidewalk crappers for help but surely there must be somewhere they can go. The city has also teamed up with the Baltimore office of the Sex Workers Outreach Project and Baltimore Safe Haven to council and provide shelter for prostitutes desiring to change their lives. But only if they want to. It’s totally up to them.

    As Baltimore becomes a safe-haven for hookers, druggies, and defecators, more liberal-ruled cities, such as Minneapolis and Los Angeles, will inevitably follow suit. It’s just the nature of the Democratic beast.

    Where do you live and what changes have you seen taking place there? Please fill us in so we all know.

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